maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
