i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
