Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
