there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My dick has a subreddit
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
