I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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