Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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