If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
