you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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