did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
