They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
