i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
