im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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