I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
