this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
