I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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