i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
