she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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