our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I need water and some morals
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
