So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm like, not good at living.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
