Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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