When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize