I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
