just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
