I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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