i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize