Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize