Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
