oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
