There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Still dying that you shit outside
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
