Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
