There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
