she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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