So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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