And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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