Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
