she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
