So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
