Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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