I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
