I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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