God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize