omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We need a shit load of segways right now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
