Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
