3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
