i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I fill condoms, not promises.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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