so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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