For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
