hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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