I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
