I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize