I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize