i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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