I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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