tonight lets celebrate not being married
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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