Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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