Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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