I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
