What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
