I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize