Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
