I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
