you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
