First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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