yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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