If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
