i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
