Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize