Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
