the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
