I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
