Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
