Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
