Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize