so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
