In the future we'll all be gay
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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