apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
