Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
