It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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