I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize