I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
