I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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