What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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