The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
