I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
