She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
