That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
