I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
