he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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