Your face is a jimmy john
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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