Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
