I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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