Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize