Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
