My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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