Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
