and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
