Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
