It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
