Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
