What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
