I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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