both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
