Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
