Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
