I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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