i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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