I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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