break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
